Mount Kinabalu

My home for the next couple of days is still Borneo but this time about twenty minutes up the road by Air Asia in the State of Sabah, Malaysia. Brunei was definitely worth a look just to see how the other half live so to speak. I do like the death penalty for drug trafficking but as far as everything else being banned...come on now Mr. Sultan of Brunei. Lighten up some. Alcohol, bars, and anything else moderate people may desire are just not allowed there. I learned from several people in Brunei that citizens just take the ferry over to the Malaysian island of Labuan on weekends for a regular den of iniquity where whores, booze, clubs, and anything else one could desire await. But of course none of them I spoke to partake in anything more salubrious than Labuan's duty free shopping. Yeah, right...I call BS on that one.

One particularly amusing and interesting vice does remain in Brunei despite the Sultan's best efforts as he can't seem to get a grip on the world's oldest profession. But yes, there is a twist to the Brunei variety..."ladyboys" as they are called are the ones trying to practice their trade on street corners after dark and I can describe the scene in one word--nasty as hell. Ok. Three words. But anyway, picture an Asian male, 5'1", 90 pounds with inch long fake eyelashes and pancake makeup.

Now get this...if said ladyboy approaches anyone and the police happen to see, the approachee whether innocent or not goes to jail even if the ladyboy runs off. In other words, Grandma Mavis from Fiddlefart, Mississippi would rot in jail doing hard time just for chatting up a ladyboy and telling him what a nice young man he is. One did try to offer his massage services so we quickly crossed the road not only because of the police threat but because it's just plain nasty.

Luckily with no ladyboys in sight in KK, new sites of a more pleasant kind await, and two items interested me...some beautiful islands off shore that require a water taxi and Kinabalu National Park about two hours away. My buddy leaves tonight so I will do the islands with people from the hostel after he is safely enroute back to the US so as to avoid any more incidents.

Mt. Kinabalu rises about 13,000' above Borneo to take its claim as the tallest mountain on the island. Naturally I am drawn to anything outdoors like that with hiking trails. Tour operators want $100 for a roundtrip transfer over there and that is way beyond what I am willing to pay. A little research and asking around finally hit some gold when I found out minibuses make the route to a city just beyond the park's entrance and will drop off at the main gate. The buses leave when full which took about an hour and a half this morning, but for $4 one way who is complaining.

This time was well spent for I glanced at the Daily Express newspaper and right there on page 7 of today's edition was an article called "Where Anything Fit to be Eaten is Sold." The pictures of smoked animals drew me in and I began reading about how people (Christians actually) consume dog, bat, monkey, snake and so on. The author used the island of Sulawesi, Indonesiaas an example of this culinary following, and I found this quote, "You can tell how lowly beef, chicken and mutton rate in the diet of majority Christian Minahasons living here by checking out the meats section of the Tamu." (A tamu is a market.) I would've visited Sulawesi had the disasters not altered my plans. Darn! The things I am missing out on!

While this does confirm all of our suspicions that dog is indeed consumed over here what I took away was how the article basically was an Anti-Christian slam piece under the guise of eating dog meat. The article clearly stated that the southern Muslim part of the island does not partake in this meat trade at all. Though a muslim may not touch it, "there are no specific taboos among the Minahasons towards eating extraordinary meats except they must be consumed within three days of being smoked. Otherwise the meat will turn bad, slimy, and poisonous." Nice.

So just how does a potential consumer tell if the meat is older than three days old you ask? Good question, and that's why I am here for you to scour the earth for cultural oddities far removed from our daily American lives. Check the dog's eyes...they should not be red. Red eyes mean that the dog was smoked more than three days ago and you wouldn't want to serve that to your esteemed guests now would you? So, yes, always check the eyes first no matter what the seller tells you the dog's condition is. And don't pay more than $2 for a whole unprepared dog or about a $8 a kilo (2.2 lbs) if the dog comes presmoked. Just letting you know should you ever be in SE Asia needing to negotiate for whatever reason in the Tamu.

The author went on to point out that good Muslims do not keep dogs nor much less even think about consuming them and this practice is a strictly Christian one. Think about that...man's best friend is not kept by the author because his religion evidently forbids it, and he would have us believe that millions of Christians all across the world are consuming Sweet and Sour Shit-tsu right at this very moment. What jerks these people are to publish this crap with such an intentional slant.

Enough of that already and back to better things...two hours later our beat up and smoking old minibus dropped us off at the entrance and our $4 admission left us wondering now what? If I had the gear and the time I would naturally have done a three day trip to the summit, but a day hike around the place suited me just fine. Two German guys asked if they could tag along and I hesitantly said "ja." Both were wearing Birkenstocks with no traction and I knew without practical footwear this would be a challenge. When hiking the group's speed is always based on the lowest common denominator which in this case would be our new friends.

A good hike for me is physically challenging but with awesome views along the way or at the end as a reward for all that hard work. What I found at Kinabalu was indeed challenging but not in any way, shape or form that was remotely fun. My friend said it best after about the first ten minutes, "This blows." The trails were the slipperiest, wettest, muddiest and worst I have ever seen in a lifetime of hiking and let me tell you...it is absolutely no fun wondering where to step so as not to sink a foot into muck. I was stepping on roots, rocks, or whatever else wasn't under a mud slick just to make forward progress.

Within the first five minutes one of the Germans slipped of course because of his unsuitable footwear and his Birkenstock continued down the path without him. Sometimes an executive decision just has to be made so I jettisoned our new friends and continued on hoping to find something dry. We had planned on 6 hours of fun and were excited to see wildlife, plants and and of course spectacular views of Kinabalu. After thirty minutes of this agony we turned around and tried a different trail. It was no better. A third trail was steeper but even muddier.

Since my shoes were already wrecked from the water taxi incident I didn't mind so much the wet and muddy but with nothing to even look at but a dense forsest canopy, the views kind of stunk. At least being above 5.000' brought some welcome relief from the heat and humidity of the coast. The only wildlife out there came in the form of some butterflies, a dead millipede and mosquitos that actually seem to like 100% DEET bug spray. What a difference from Bako National Park where I could have hiked for days.

Unfortunately I would have to rate this expedition in my bottom two ever and we decided to just cut our losses and head back to KK. After exiting the trails two Australian guys asked me where the good trails were because they couldn't find any. Four Japanese tourists asked us where some good trails were as well and they were worried because they paid $100 each and weren't getting their money's worth. On the way out we ran into an elderly Malaysian couple who decided to take the minibus up to the park but thought it was a complete waste of time, too. I am so glad that it wasn't just me...I was worried I hadn't given the place a full chance. I am 100% sure that climbing to the summit is worth it, but for the rest of us confined to the base trails, it blows.

This morning I had no idea how we would get back to KK and just hoped we could waive down a minibus heading our way. The first one to pass by was full and and a taxi had offered to take us for $60 a person. No way...not when we can go for $4 a person in the minibus. I just can't believe these taxi drivers can look at themselves in the mirror at night. We had all day to wait and the minibuses come by regularly I found out. The Malaysian couple told another taxi driver fishing for business that he, too was a rip off and they waited with us.

As luck would have it, a guy driving a minivan taxi had to be back in KK by 3pm and he offered us rides for $5 a person...definitely I am game for that. That single extra dollar bought us legroom and some air conditioned comfort in a vehicle with shocks and struts. And sitting on cloth sure does beat sticking to vinyl after hours of hiking. Amazing how prices drop in an instant if you just have some patience and don't mind waiting a while.

he afternoon was not a waste though by any means. I got to see the highest peak on Borneo and even got to attempt some of its trails. Though they weren't much to look at I can say I have hiked there and it is definitely a morning I will remember, especially the sight of a German dude loosing his sandals and falling butt first into the mud. I laughed at myself yesterday when I plunged into two feet of muck at the bottom of nasty water so I hope he can eventually laugh at himself.

Plus once again I was able to get to a remote area like the locals and avoid getting ripped off like the tourists do. It's like a big game for me to figure out how things work in these countries and I really enjoy getting a local experience which I definitely had going to and from Mt. Kinabalu. The trails may rate in my bottom tier but the overall experience was definitely high up there on my list.